I miss my friend.

My friend, Jim Carr died last night. I was on the phone. With someone else, talking about nonsense. While he died.

I met Jim in 2002 when I moved to Austin and went to work at the company he'd be at for two years. Tall. Red-haired. Gentle. Jim became my friend instantly. When I left the company to start my own, I had plans to do something big. He wanted to help. He had always offered kind and encouraging words before, but now he offered guidance and brain power to help with something he knew well, but was bigger than me. Jim wanted to help lift the load. We met at starbucks on a couple occasions. He was positive. He was confident. He was my best bet.

Jim, with his wife, Amy had been trying to have a baby together for years to no avail. I spoke with him about their desire to adopt a child from China in 2005. Jim was excited. Jim had a website (www.carrtexas.com) to track the progress of the adoption. He and Amy, the most capable potential parents I knew, would finally be able to raise a child. Jim would certainly need a more stable job than what he and I would be doing together. We wished each other well, and said we'd keep in touch.

On May 24, 2005, after months of paperwork, phone calls, research, and interviews, Jim and Amy posted the following on their website: "May 24, 2005 - We find out Amy is pregnant. Due date is 01/30/2006. Adoption is temporarily put on hold."

So giving, they said "temporarily".

I was on the phone with Jim shortly after, and he was beside himself. He would finally be a dad.

They named him Landon. He was the interruption for which they'd prayed for over 13 years. Landon was 8 months old when his dad went to the doctor for a routine checkup, and was diagnosed with cancer.

I had already moved to New York, and was unable to visit Jim. I will be in Austin in 2 weeks. I was excited about finally being able to drop in. 3 days ago I emailed Amy, and let her know that I was planning to be in town, and that I'd like to come and see him. Yesterday I got an email back. I thought it was a response with visitation times. It's subject line said "Funeral arrangements". I was 2 weeks too late, to say goodbye.

This is Jim, the way I remember him.

This is what cancer did to my friend.

I miss you, Jim.