New York Summer Survival Checklist... (living in the city pt 2)

1. Baby Powder - Can't have enough of this covering those hard-to-reach areas. The ONLY way to prevent chaffing. What you want is a snug fitting pair o' "drawers" and your gentlemen covered in the softest white powder you can find. Absorption. That's what it's all about. Geezum, it's hot.
2. Flip-flops - Thongs, Sandals, whatever. I remember being a kid and complaining about being cold at night during the winter. My mom would always tell me to first go get some socks on (I have always hated sleeping in socks, but when it's cold... this works), and secondly, use a few blankets. "Layers, sweetie. It's all about layers". Well, beating the heat requires the exact opposite. If you can flop around in beach attire to work, go for it. However, and I can't stress this enough, don't try free-ballin' it! The guy's swimsuit is not condusive to walking 60 blocks a day (see #1 in this list).
3. Water - Not to drink, but to pour down your pants when the powder has absorbed so much sweat that you can feel the chunks of dough balling up and rolling down your leg.
4. Grappling Hook - 'Cause it's still New York, and you never know.
5. Iced Coffe / Frappucino, etc. - You don't have to slack on the stimulants just 'cause it's hot out. Get yourself a Venti Frappucino (the adult version of a slurpy - gay, but adult), and save the water for the crotch.
6. Backup Deodorant - You want 3 cans at least. #1 for home. Cake it on, get ready for it to melt. #2 at work. #3 in your gay man-purse ('cause you'll frequently find yourself needing to refresh while out).
7. An Indoor Job - Standing on the sidewalk cooking stir-fry all day long for sales reps on the go has got to be the worst job in the city right now. Second, MAYBE, to construction, but at least construction workers get to break and walk away from the heat. Go in the shade. These street vendors just go from standing over a stove to walking home in one. Bet they carry a lot of powder on 'em.